Definition of Self
by sunnycouger
Summary: Turn away now if you're looking for anything too deep - it's a load of nonsense which will see all of your favourite couples act out all their stereotypes. Mainly D/G, R/Hr, Se/Par + more
1. A Bad Day

Definition of Self

**Author: **sunnycouger (sunnycouger@lineone.net)****

****

**Rating:** PG-13 

**Disclaimer:** Not mine, never will be. I wouldn't sue because all I could give you would be my laptop and that would drive me mad and you don't want to do that, do you? 

**Summary:** This is just meant to be a piece of fun, it's kinda therapy for me in a weird way because it allows me to vent on certain things without causing offence (well, mostly ;)) The fic is basically going to involve every stereotype imaginable - why? Well, nonsense fic appeals to me and it means I don't need any deep angst (although I promise the angsty stereotype will be explored ;)) This fic is mainly going to be D/G, R/Hr but I warn now - there will be some H/H and H/G and maybe even some H/D if the mood takes me further down the line. There's also going to be N/L (in a weird way) and S/Par and basically anyone else who takes my fancy. This fic is more or less completely unplanned so each part could be complete pap but hey - it'll be fun pap. 

**Authors Notes:** This isn't meant to be taken seriously, it's a piece of crap but I hope it's an enjoyable piece of crap because it's just something I enjoy writing without getting bogged down with extravagant and plausible plots. Feel free to let me know what you think either through a review or through an e-mail or even drop me a message on my LJ :) 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

In the dark classroom two lone figures chanted over the simmering cauldron. Their faces were cloaked in shadow and only a faint candle light confirmed that there were in fact two people there. The wind outside howled and wailed as the taller of the figures began to moan as the chanting increased in volume. Just then there was a crash of thunder and the door at the furthest end of the classroom barged open blanketing the whole room in light. 

"Crabbe! Goyle! What on earth are you two doing?" 

The taller of the two boys looked at the figure at the door and ushered for him to close it. "Close it over, Draco. We're trying to get this to work..." 

"Get what to work?" Draco asked as he walked over towards them. "Oh, you two are not making potions without supervision? Please tell me that this is nothing more complex than a basic skin cream?" 

"My dad sent us the ingredients, he said it would..." Crabbe was silenced by a swift elbow in the side by Goyle as Draco narrowed his eyes at them. They were making a potion for their father's? Well, well... 

"He said it would what?" 

"Make us rich," Goyle said. 

"Make us smarter," Crabbe said at the exact same time before turning to Goyle and shrugging his shoulders in apology. 

Draco drummed his fingers on the desk. "One of you will tell me the truth or else I will make them drink that foul potion - what is it for and why exactly are you suddenly privy to information that I'm not?" 

The potion began to bubble erratically and Crabbe lifted his hand to stir it only for Draco to catch his wrist in his hand. "No, you are not touching that until I have a sufficient explanation which I suggest you give me before your hand becomes an ingredient in your little project." 

"Draco, we really can't let it bubble too much more or it'll explode..." 

"And that will do what? Cover us in blue goo? What does the potion do?" 

Crabbe pulled his hand back and freed it from Draco's grasp. "It...fixes...things..." 

"You made a reparo potion and you needed your father to send you the ingredient list to that? We studied that in first year - what did you damage that you needed it for. Was someone damaged duelling and couldn't go to Pomfrey?" 

Goyle nodded his head absently as he reached over towards the potion. "Um, sure...that's what it's for." 

Draco immediately knocked his hand down and drew his wand. "Do you mistake me for a Hufflepuff? Do you honestly think that I believe that? Now tell me!" 

The potion bubbled violently before anyone could answer and a faint moaning could be heard coming from the dark blue liquid. Draco looked at it, his grey eyes transfixed. "That's...Dark Magic you've used. What's it for? You two are idiots!" 

Goyle and Crabbe didn't answer him as the both grabbed the instruction sheet and began arguing about what to do next. 

"One of you should remove it from the heat before you do something that we'll all regret - we'll be flung in Azkaban before we've left here," Draco said as he raised his wand preparing to extinguish the flames himself. "I suggest that after I have stopped this that you two run because you will never feel pain like I'm going to inflict on you for this..." 

Before he got the opportunity to mutter the charm a loud wail came from the potion and it exploded and rained down on them. Crabbe and Goyle looked at each other as the classroom was covered in the liquid while Draco looked at them in utter contempt, his blonde hair stuck to his head. "You two, have just covered us in the evidence that you were practising the Dark Arts - not only that, but you have covered me in the evidence as well and for once I will be accused of a crime I didn't commit! Now, you have two options - you can tell me what this potion actually does or you can die!" 

Crabbe looked at Draco in terror. "I...we...we don't really know what it does. We were just told to make it up and then let our dads know." 

Draco took a deep breath at the stupidity he was witnessing. "And you didn't think to ask?" 

Goyle shook his head causing Draco to clench his fist and shake his head. "I am going to get cleaned up and then I'm going to come back and I expect ,when I return, that this room will have no evidence that anything ever happened in it. I'm going to charm the door from the outside to keep the Squib and his flea bag out and to keep you two in. You have both really managed to outdo yourselves in stupidity this time." 

He didn't wait for a response as he left and locked the door, dripping blue liquid along after him. Truth be told, as he walked he was more than a little put out - the idea that he would be blamed for it when he had clearly done nothing was irritating, the fact that he was covered in blue liquid was irritating, the fact that he hadn't killed Crabbe and Goyle was irritating and the fact that they knew something he didn't was more than irritating, the emotions that evoked were not done justice by such a simple term. He continued walking blindly down the corridors and sighed. He blamed his father - if he had showed him any sort of affection as a child this desperate need for approval from the Dark Lord wouldn't be a factor. He stopped and shook his head - where in Merlin's name did that come from? He brought a hand to his head to make sure he hadn't damaged it when the potion had exploded. No, there was no pain there. _Apart from the pain in your heart Draco - and you know what that was caused by? By being an unloved child_. 

He looked around incredulously. "Who is saying that? I was not an unloved child!" 

"Keep saying that to yourself, Malfoy - maybe one day you'll actually believe it." 

He looked up to see a redheaded girl walk past him. "Well Weasel, taken to skulking around corridors late at night? Hoping to be attacked by a big bad ghost so Potter can save you like the little damsel in distress you really want to be?" 

The girl stopped and turned to face him. "I don't need anyone to save me, I can look after myself." 

Draco sighed and gave a condescending smile. "Oh I'm sure, well I suggest while you're looking after yourself that you find a way to fund new robes," he reached out and grabbed a frayed edge of her sleeve and his hand brushed against her cool flesh. "The rag look really doesn't work for you." 

She pulled her arm back and immediately rubbed her arm that he'd touched. "What are you covered in - you've got me covered in some of it!" 

He sighed and turned his back to her and began walking away. "Well, I'd apologise for that if I cared..." 

He began walking away before he felt the inexplicable need to stop. He turned around and saw her looking at him with a strange expression. She walked over to him purposefully and raised a hand to slap him. Before she could make contact though he had caught it in his hand. He looked at her and he could see her brown eyes simmer beneath his gaze. Inwardly he cringed, this was a Weasley he was standing so close to. Admittedly it was a very good looking Weasley but still... 

"What are you going to do now?" he whispered to her, almost daring her to make a move. He couldn't believe what he was saying, or what he was waiting on. This was a Weasley! This was a Weasley that he didn't even know the first name of - why was he giving her the time of day? Why couldn't he take his eyes away from her? 

She bit her lip and breathed deeply before shaking her head and grabbing the side of his head and pulling it towards her until their lips met in a passionate kiss. He didn't even try to fight the desire to kiss her back and he brought his hand up to the back of her own head and pressed her closer as he loosened the grip he had on her wrist and let both of their hands fall to their sides and interlock. The kiss seemed to last forever, and he would have quite happily allowed it to last even longer but they both opened their eyes simultaneously and pulled back quickly. She looked at him in horror. "Oh...oh...what did I...we just..." 

He took a step back and tried to ignore the erratic way his heart was beating as he looked at her. Something had clearly gone wrong and he'd lost his mind - why else would he be kissing a Weasley in the middle of a corridor where anyone could see them? Perhaps he'd gone completely crazy from the fumes in the potions class. Or, and this was more plausible, he was now dead and this was his own personal hell where Crabbe and Goyle were more important, he was forced to think things that clearly weren't him and he was lusting after someone who he normally couldn't stand. "I know what this is - you are part of this little mind game. For some reason someone is trying to drive me mad and apparently this is their chosen method. Well, I'll have you know that seduction is not the way to drive me crazy." 

She took a step back and shook her head. "I don't know what you're talking about, Malfoy - if anyone's playing games here...it's...you!" 

"I just allowed a Weasley to...touch me. Do you think I would do that if I was in my right mind?" 

"Well, I wouldn't kiss you if I was in my right mind!" She shouted before looking around and adding angrily. "And I'm not helpless! I do not need you to save me, Malfoy!" 

He narrowed his eyes. "No one here said you were helpless! What's the matter, a little voice in your head telling you things like that? Maybe you're really losing your mind, Weasley." 

She blushed and looked nervous as she backed away, the front of her robes and face covered in liquid. "No...of course not...I, I think I'm going to go lie down - I'm not feeling too good..." 

She looked at him and opened her mouth to say something before shaking her head and walking away. He looked after her and felt himself appreciate the view before he called out to her. "Weasley? Perhaps you should tell me your first name in the off chance that you can't keep your hands to yourself again." 

She stopped but didn't turn around and he could already tell that she was blushing furiously and felt himself smile. "You wish and, it's Ginny. My name's Ginny."" 

"Oh, perfectly ordinary, I should have known..." 

She groaned and walked away with only a raise of her hand to mark that she had heard anything. He watched her disappear and began to walk towards the Prefect's bathroom in order to clean up, desperately trying to ignore how strange he was feeling. Hopefully he would wake up and things would be back to normal...if they weren't, of course, he would perhaps have to kill himself. 

TBC 


	2. And Now? More Confusion!

**For disclaimer see chapter one - everything still applies to this part!**

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

It had sounded like a good idea at the time, she would reason later. The whole escapade had seemed like a good idea, simple and basic. Why then had she ended the perfectly routine trip from the library to Gryffindor tower by kissing Draco Malfoy? She couldn't stand Draco Malfoy - she HATED Draco Malfoy. She groaned as she walked - she'd kissed a man she hated, she'd kissed him and he'd kissed her back and now everything was...messy. She looked down at the front of her robes covered in liquid from where her body was pressed so close to Malfoy's and felt like crying - not only was her life messy but now her clothes were the same way - could this get any worse? _Yes, you still have to think about Ron and Harry's reaction, that'll be worse. Poor 'ittle Ginny's going to be in trouble!_

Well, that was a given. She continued walking when she heard voices whispering ahead of her so she looked up and saw Seamus and Parvati standing outside a door giggling. She smiled and walked up to them - friendly faces. _As long as you don't kiss Seamus..._

"Hey, what are you laughing at?" 

Parvati smiled and grabbed Ginny's arm. "Ugh, what is that stuff on your robes? Never mind - you will not believe what we saw. We were coming down here to..." 

She blushed slightly and Seamus grinned as he looked away from Ginny in an effort to hide his laughter. "Study." 

Parvati smiled and nodded her head. "Uh huh, that's it we came down here to study and we heard voices coming from in here." 

"So, being the good students that we are we opened the door and who should walk out but Crabbe and Goyle..." Seamus added. 

"So we look in and the class is completely trashed, covered in something or other. We stepped right through it and we came out to ask them what it was and you know what we saw?" 

Ginny shook her head as Parvati looked almost ready to burst. "They were holding hands as they walked away. Crabbe and Goyle!" 

Ginny almost choked as Seamus and Parvati dissolved into further laughter. "Excuse me?" 

Parvati looked at her and wiped her eyes. "The two of them, as brazen as you like just walking down the hall way hand in hand! I never knew the two of them were...you know, that way inclined. Wait 'til Millicent sees it, she's been spouting off constantly about how wonderful her 'boyfriend' is." 

"Couldn't happen to a nicer person after what she said to Hannah Abbott about dating Dean. Like he's not good enough for a 'pure blood' - I just hope that she sees Crabbe all over Goyle then we'll see how much better 'real' wizards are for boyfriends," Seamus said as he reached over and placed his hand on the small of Parvati's back. 

Parvati looked at him with a smile. "She wouldn't know a 'real' wizard if they went and slapped her in that ugly face of hers. Although, it would probably be an improvement...." 

Ginny smiled and nodded her head as she looked in the class room at the mess. It looked exactly like what Malfoy had been covered in. Just typical, he would make a mess and leave his two lovesick goons to clean it up and take the blame and they, being as stupid as they were just accepted it. What was wrong with them? Didn't they have a problem with doing his every command. _Well, lets be honest, Ginny. You would do his every command as well given half a chance._ She let out a growl in frustration - why the hell wouldn't her brain stop thinking things that it had no business to be thinking? She was not interested in Draco Malfoy! _No, it's Harry that you love, you poor confused, hero worshiping ticket into the Weasley family..._

"I do not love Harry!" Ginny yelled abruptly interrupting Seamus and Parvati and causing them to turn around and look at her. She looked and blushed as she began walking away slowly as they each gave her a strange look like she'd lost her mind. "Um, I'm not feeling so well so I'm going to go..." 

Seamus looked at her in concern. "Uh-huh, you want us to walk you back?" 

She shook her head as she quickened her pace hoping to quickly get away and into bed before this night could get any worse, and before Parvati could talk. She thought she'd made it before she heard Parvati call her name so she stopped and waited on the inevitable. 

"Um, Ginny - I know you have a crush on Harry and to be honest I don't blame you, I mean he is a sweetheart and a really good looking sweetheart at that," she began before Seamus gave an indignant huff causing her to turn and whisper something inaudibly to him which caused both of them to break into smiles before she turned back to Ginny. "Anyway, you can have a crush on him until the cows come home but, for your own sake, don't let Padma hear you talk about her boyfriend in terms of loving him. She's...smart and that means you don't want to get on her bad side. She's pretty thorough when it comes to exacting revenge - Ernie MacMillan is still getting the occasional outbreak of the Honduras Heat Hex because he dared insult her." 

Ginny sighed and nodded her head - like she didn't know that already. Could this night get any worse? She'd obviously been subjected to some awful wizarding flu and it had thrown her off balance - things would be normal tomorrow. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

As Ginny walked away Seamus watched her go and gave a slow smile. "When did she get so beautiful? I could definitely grow to like seeing that everyday..." 

It took him a second before he'd even realised that he'd spoken and it was only when he turned to see Parvati looking at him, her beautiful big brown eyes looking at him with a mixture of pain and anger that he realised that he'd done something stupid. 

"Maybe if Ginny is so pretty to you then you should go with her and leave your plain girlfriend here? Because I certainly wouldn't want you to miss out on one precious second of basking in her beauty!" 

He shook his head quickly as he reached for Parvati's hand. What had got into him? He didn't like Ginny in that way - she was pretty, sure but not...not stunning. And definitely not on a par with Parvati. "Parvati, I'm so sorry I don't know what I was thinking. I have no idea why I said that - you're much prettier than Ginny." 

She glared at him as she pulled her arm away. "It's not about looks - you think I would say how much I would like to see Justin everyday because he looks so good in front of you? You know how many times I've turned him down even though he looks that good?" 

Seamus looked a bit taken aback. "I never knew you thought Justin looked good..." 

She rolled her eyes as she walked away airily. "Well, it shouldn't matter to you, should it? He certainly doesn't think that other girls are prettier, so maybe I should be with him." 

He sighed as he watched her go. He was going to have to do some major grovelling to make up for that before Fletchley got his grabby little mitts into her. _Although_, he thought as he walked after her - _there's definitely worse fates than having Justin's mitts stuck into you. It could be quite a pleasant experience, Seamus. You might want to try it._ He stopped and slapped his head as he looked around. What the hell was he thinking? He wasn't...he had a girlfriend! A girlfriend that he loved and now he was thinking about not only other girls but guys as well? What was wrong with him? He slapped his head quickly, "Stupid, stupid Seamus!" 

He shook his head and tried to clear his head - Ginny had obviously infected them both with her weirdness. Which meant, if he was thinking these strange thoughts the odds were that Parvati was having the same thoughts and if that was the case...His eyes widened and he ran in the direction she had went - if Justin wanted his girlfriend he better be willing to fight for her. _And if he doesn't want to fight for her maybe he'll just want to grapple around with you for a while anyway..._

He groaned and ran faster - he definitely had to find Parvati - just to make sure certain things. Like he still liked girls for one... 

TBC 


End file.
